Angela was live on the Video Power Up Facebook Page, where she shared her perspective.
We are here and live. You’ll notice it’s just me today, all by myself. Not really, ’cause Scott’s on the other side of the camera today helping me out with some technical stuff.
But today my message is actually super personal. Like really personal. And so we thought I would do this live together just with you guys, just with my audience. Because, I think, it’s very important. I have like a #MyTruth coming up that I wanna share. And it’s pretty personal, which is why I decided to do my live today without my hair done, without my makeup done, which I’m sure my sister is going to talk to me about later. But today is really about being raw and really as authentic as, well, as authentic as I can be, without being hurtful to others, which you’ll understand in a bit. So bear with me one second.
I’ve got my computer over here because normally my computer’s across from me and I’m using that to read messages. But today it’s here and I have Scott reading messages, but I do wanna make sure that I’ve got you guys up.
And, of course, this is gonna be delayed from where I’m speaking by about 20 seconds. But … Yeah. Waiting for a few more people to jump in. Would love you guys, once you come in, give me a shout-out. Say, “Hey, Ange.” Let me know how your energy is today. Are you like a 1? Are you a 10? Are you a 500? But it’s just out of 1 to 10. What out of 10, how is your energy today? Because I tell you, on Sunday, I was like a minus 42. And today I feel like I’m a 10, so I’m really excited. But it’s funny because I had to go through that minus 42 to get to a 10 today.
And there’s a few things that led to that. So we’re gonna talk about that soon and it really all comes down to feeling valued and finding your passion, and finding your passion is really a phrase that has been my nemesis for a long time. If you would have asked me 10 years ago what my passion is, my answer would be my son, and being a good mom. And I always get emotional when I say that phrase. I don’t know why. It’s so weird. Well, I know why, but you know it’s just so weird. ‘Cause I really like well up with joy because I love my boy so much. And my whole family in general. But I haven’t really connected that passion to what I do until this week. Like a deep, deep, deep connection, and I wanna share that with you guys now.
So I’m not sure if I’ve got anyone with me? Christine says, “Coffee hasn’t kicked in.” Happy to have you here, Christine. That’s awesome. And you are with us all the time, and thank you so much. And you know what? If you think this message of being good enough to put yourself out there, being adequate, having a message to say that’s important for the world. If you think that the message that, you know, is important, I want you to share this right now. So you can share this just below my head there should be a share button. You can create a post, and I would love for you guys to share this and to get this message out.
So this past weekend, I was really in the presence of greatness. A lot of great people #MyTribe at the [inaudible 00:03:42] Conference. And it was like there’s a roomful of people full of passion who have these amazing stories, these amazing things to say. It was a really great weekend. I wanna just be really clear. It was a really, really great weekend. And so you come off that weekend on such a high. You come off of being around a group of massively supportive, successful people. And everyone in that room was successful in their own rights.
You come out of that on this huge high. And that was on Saturday. It ended on Saturday. And Sunday morning, I woke up on such a low. Such a low. And there was a few things as I reflected back, as I’m reflecting back on that just a few days later, and more things will come. One of my lows was, and they were all external by the way. So I did a talk about video production. My top five tips. And I had a lot of great women join me. And as my gift, I offered them access to my membership for a short period of time. And I felt really good. Like I had a good rapport with them. But by the end of the weekend, no one had signed up. No one had taken me up on my offer of my gift. So I was like, “Oh.” I started doubting myself. “Well maybe what I have to say isn’t important. And maybe it doesn’t matter. And maybe nobody cares about doing video. And maybe nobody cares, you know, of what I have to say.” It just really, I spiral, spiral, spiral.
But the other side of that is, “God, why am I passionate about doing video? Why do I care?” I mean, it’s just video. It’s just a tool for us to communicate in business. You know, I’m not saving lives. I’m not, you know, and I’m passionate about just, if you all know me, and Amanda Druxler knows this about me. I’m passionate about animals. And … You know, I’m not saving the lives of animals. I’m not saving the lives of people by doing what I’m doing. You know, there’s not this big epiphany that I came to, and I’m like, “I’m gonna teach people how to do video.”
That was what, part of my low moments is, “What am I passionate about? Like why? Why don’t I have this deep passion, that feeling of this drive that gets me going every day, that’s important, that’s life-saving, that’s epic?” Right? And so I started feeling really down, to the point of I did not want to get off the couch. And if you’ve ever been there, say, “Yeah. I’ve been there.” Share that with me.
Amanda says, “It’s information overwhelm until we reflect on what we’ve learned, then remember, “Oh, yeah!”” And yeah, she … So I’m sorry, I know I’m delayed a bit from when you guys do the post, so I apologize for being delayed reading that, but going back to me feeling like I lost my passion. ’cause I had it. And after this weekend, everything just kind of went dark. It was really weird.
And then I read a book. I did lay on the couch on Monday. But I read a book. I did. I took action. I did something. And that book inspired me to have a thought, and that thought inspired me to share it and reach out to the person that thought was about. It was actually, and it was … It’s gonna sound really weird, but this book inspired me to have this circle of thoughts. It inspired me to write a personal script for someone I know really well, about their product and about their service. It was just really weird. I can’t explain it, but the whole script came to me in an image. I did my best to transfer that image into words and then I delivered those words to that person and that person was really grateful. In fact, they said I made them cry. And so I did that one action.
The next thing I did is I watched a live video of someone that I’ve been following for literally years, and I’ve been watching her things. Her name’s Allyson Byrd. And something she said connected with me like nothing anyone has ever said before about finding my passion. And if I get emotional, I apologize, but it was … It’s like really, it was really deep for me.
People grow up in different environments. My environment wasn’t terrible. I do not have a terrible story. However, you know, my parents were divorced at a young age. My dad moved far away. He came back, which was awesome. And, you know, it was just being a single parent in the ’70s is different than being a single parent now. You don’t have the same resources. And if you don’t have a tight family circle immediately around you, it can get even tougher. So my upbringing wasn’t filled with … hoo … a lot of support. My mum loves me more than anything, and so does my sister. But you only know what you know later, right? Like you learn as you go, and there was things that my family couldn’t do. We didn’t have a lot. Oh, my God, I’m getting so emotional. And I’m like, I don’t do this.
Everyone, give me a shout-out. Say, “Hey! It’s all right.” And I’m really wanting to share this because this is where it comes from. This is where my passion comes from. I didn’t have a lot growing up, and I struggled. And by the time I was 17, I was living on my own. Someone I was dating had passed away from drinking too much, and that hit home with a lot of other things that were happening in my life. And I quit school and I moved out and I got a job.
And so my passion, if you look back, like, you know, you get people say, “Oh, go back as far as you can and think about what you’re passionate about.” I was passionate about making it to the next day. I was passionate about paying my rent, about putting food on the table. So my passion didn’t come from this big dream that was being fostered by the people around me. It was really like day-to-day for the next thing that was coming.
Aw, thanks, Amanda! Hearts. Sandra, thank you. Yeah, let it flow. These emotional moments are important and I think it’s really important for me to share because it all comes back. And I don’t wanna talk about me this whole time. I wanna tie it back to how it comes to what I do and how I’ve followed that passion. But living from moment to moment was my passion, making it to the next day, paying my rent, paying for, you know, those groceries, staying connected to my family how I could. That was, you know, my youth.
And then I had Haden, my son, and my world changed. And my passion became him. But I was still living that life of, you know, paycheck to paycheck. Even as an entrepreneur, paycheck to paycheck is still a thing. And what I now realize, and it hit me, in my low, coming off from this high weekend, it hit me in my low. My passion is for helping entrepreneurs get themselves more exposure. So that they never, ever, ever have to live a life of paycheck to paycheck, of commission check to commission check, of moment of highs in their business, and moment of lows in their business, where they’re not making enough, or they’re making enough just to get by. Because that is no place to live. And the only way we can live in abundance is knowing, first of all, that what you have to say is important. And it is. I know a bunch of you who are with me today, I know what you do.
Angela Kafadar: And I’ve actually got a guest with me today. Tara is with us. I just, I was told she just came in the lobby. And I knew she was gonna be a few minutes late today. And I’m gonna have to put my headset on, but I wanna just go back to that, that idea of my passion is really helping people getting out of that situation by helping you get more exposure.
I’ve been doing video production for 13 years. There are ideas that pop in my head that I know can help people, like you wouldn’t believe. There are phrases, there are things, and so working with people on creating their videos, so they get more exposure, so they get more business, so they can provide not just the necessities for abundance in their business. It finally just all connected. All those dots just connected for me.
But people are still not doing video. People don’t think what they have to say is important enough. People don’t think other people wanna hear what they have to say. People, you know, they have a fear of being on video, and the fear is they don’t know what to say or how to say it, or how to look. But really, it comes down to their value. It comes down to your value, and I want everyone to know that your value is huge. You can make a huge impact on the world, and the more people who know what you do and that you can connect with, the better they’ll be off for having met you. And so video is a great way to share that.
Now I’m gonna stop talking about video, and I wanna bring in … And bear with me while I put this in. I wanna bring in Tara. Is she here with me?
Scott: Not yet. Do you wanna bring her?
Angela Kafadar: Yeah!
Tara? Can you hear me?
Tara Kanerva: I can hear you. Yeah. Can you hear me?
Angela Kafadar: Awesome. Yeah, I can hear you. And everyone give Tara a big welcome. Say, “Hello.” And we’re just gonna put you up on the screen here. I think you’re up there now.
So I’m not sure. I know you had a meeting before this, so I’m not sure if you were on my live?
Tara Kanerva: I saw a part of it. I saw half of it.
Angela Kafadar: Did you see me melt down?
Tara Kanerva: No. I didn’t.
Angela Kafadar: Okay. So today we’re talking about self-worth. And it all came from I’m having a really great weekend at the conference, but coming back and seeing all the great people, and amazing people, and feeling like I wasn’t as good. I wasn’t worthy. I didn’t have the same passion. I couldn’t say I saved lives and it connected me back to everybody I work with in video. Because people tell me, they tell me the reason they don’t do video is because they’re afraid of being judged. They’re not sure what to say. They don’t know how to say it.
But when I get right down to it, I think people are afraid what they have to say isn’t important to other people, and they have a sense of inadequacy, and that comes from experiences in their life.
Tara Kanerva: Yeah. It comes from their beliefs about themselves, their own filter, and how they view themselves. Yeah, absolutely.
Angela Kafadar: So what’s your insight on that? And do you have maybe two or three tips or things that people can do? For me, like I said, when I was down in my low, I spent a day on the couch. I read a book, and I actually listened to a motivational speaker. Her name is Allyson Byrd from the States. It completely changed my life. And I went from being on the lowest low to being reignited. But that, you know, things like that are short-lived.
So are there three things or three tips you can give us on how to bring out that inner passion, that self-love, that, “I’m good enough. I’m important enough. I have something to say and people really need to hear it.” Do you have any tips?
Tara Kanerva: I do.
Angela Kafadar: Awesome.
Tara Kanerva: I do. I think, you know, a lot of people hear us talk about, and but I ask, I mean people who work in the field of, you know, personal development, and who really try to use the skills that we have in all sorts of different areas to get people to believe in themselves as all of, everything that you were just talking about. And yet, one of the more difficult things is saying, “Okay. Well, when you have these beliefs it’s all good and well to recognize them. But what is it that you do about them?” So even when you get moments where you feel really motivated and you feel really inspired, it’s the longevity that’s important, right? So there’s only so much you can do. So you get people time to get really inspired and really excited, but then when, you know, when the motivation, whatever that is, sort of fades, it gets, you know, you end up back in a place where it’s harder to access that.
So one of the most valuable things, I think, is for people to go through a process where they identify their beliefs, and if you can imagine it, you have one belief, right? And it’s right here. It’s like this one belief. And the belief may be … You know, we all sort of have different variations of, “I’m not good enough.” And so it’s worthwhile to look at where specifically do you feel not good enough. Because you may, you know, maybe you have these areas in your business where you don’t feel good enough, but certainly all of us, anyone who’s been able to pursue something has areas where they do feel good enough, right?
I’m sure, like when you turn the camera on and you’re behind the camera, you have certain aspects where you know you’re good enough, right? So even if there are other areas. So it’s really important to kind of dissect that and not allow yourself to take on the idea. You don’t wanna keep telling yourself, “You know, I don’t feel good enough,” when the truth is, if you get specific … So the first tip is just get really, really specific. Make sure that if you’re going to, you know, identify a weakness in yourself, that you’re not generalizing, that you’re not saying, you know, “I’m just not good enough,” or “I just don’t feel confident,” because I guarantee there are times in your life where you do feel confident.
So the more, a bit more able you are to really identify, even if they’re small, right? Even if they’re like, “You know what? When I make this particular recipe, I am so confident that I can pull that off.” It’s amazing to tap into it, because even if you don’t feel like the activity itself is really significant, it’s the fact that you know, you recognize, you’re telling your mind, “I can get in a state of confidence. I can get in a state of feeling good enough, and I know what that feels like. My body knows what that feels like.” You might hold yourself different, and to really, really, really pay attention.
So just bringing your awareness to … Don’t let yourself fall in this sort of gray cloud of like, “I’m not good at anything,” ’cause that’s not the truth. The truth is you can find them.
The second thing is to recognize that if you can find this thing. So say I find, you know, I feel like I’m not good at talking in social situations, right? I never know what to say. I think I, you know, I’m awkward or something like that. Find the core belief, and then notice those things. Do an exercise where you recognize all of the other beliefs that kind of sprout from this one belief.
So I would say maybe something like I’m, you know, “I have difficulty in social situations. I always feel backward, so that stops me from doing A, B, C, D. It stops me from believing these things about myself.” And as you go through that process, you’re gonna realize that if you change the one belief here, all these other things are gonna change.
In doing that, what you’re allowing yourself to do is to focus. If you’re gonna bring your attention to changing something, to doing some inner work and changing, you might as well do it the most efficient way. And find those sort of core beliefs that extends to the other ones. And all of this is work that you can either do, you know, in your bathtub just thinking about it, and bringing your words to it. Or you can go, if it fits your personality, to like sit down and write this, and write them down and pay attention to them.
The last thing I just wanna get across is the idea that I’ve worked with, in the work that I do. I do an LP. I do timeline therapy. I do work where when I work with somebody who has something. You had mentioned the imposter syndrome, or any of those sort of ideas we get about ourselves where we don’t feel as though we’re good enough? What happens is that you end up with this belief that almost for sure you started believing what I’m gonna say inappropriately. You know, you might have been super, super young, and I would tell you that my line of work demonstrates to me everyday that people pick up these beliefs, you know, “I’m not good enough. I’m not smart enough. I’m not confident,” and all of this stuff, based on these really young ideas.
And the truth is we all know that any five-year-olds in the world, there isn’t a five-year-old alive, not a human being alive on the planet, who shouldn’t feel good enough when they’re five years old. No five-year-old should, and yet we all sort of adopt these beliefs. Not necessarily through any bad, you know, mal intentions from anybody else, but just simply because the world sort of happened in a way, or maybe somebody on the play grass said something to you and then you start to believe that you’re not good enough or you’re …
And as soon as you allow yourself to accept that belief, like I said, there’s all these spreads that come with it. So I just wanna end with this really cool analogy that I think makes it really easy for us to understand. But first of all, you don’t need time. You don’t need to go through a journey of time in order to get rid of some of these really heavy limiting beliefs that we have about ourselves.
It can happen instantaneously once they’re recognized. And so imagine if you all probably have experienced having a relationship and imagine if your spouse or your partner or whoever, all of a sudden started acting really weird. And they start hiding their phone, and they start, you know, maybe shutting the computer when you walk into the room, or you notice that they aren’t where they say they’re going to be some night. And then maybe even you’ve seen them out with a friend and … If this happened over the course of a couple of weeks, you know that you would suddenly start having all of these really different beliefs about, you know, how you feel about yourself. You might start questioning yourself. You might start asking yourself, “What did I do wrong?” You may also … You recognize that there’s a filter so you would have a filter. And maybe you’re saying, “Oh, my gosh. You know, I chose to trust him. Maybe I shouldn’t have.” All this stuff could happen.
And as that happens, you actually install … You get these beliefs about all sorts of different negative things, that if they’re left there will just fester and become bigger. However, if you know the Friday night you walk into your house and you’re partner just goes, opens the door and says, “Surprise!” And you’ve got, you know, 50 of your friends all standing there and all of a sudden, in that instant, your brain, your unconscious mind and your whole mind would go, “Oh, my God! He or she wasn’t having an affair, wasn’t doing all this stuff. They totally love me. They were planning this party.” And in one instant, in a millisecond, your brain would go, “Ah! Right. So all those times, when he was out with my friend, you know. When he hid his phone. All those times,” and it wouldn’t take any time. And it wouldn’t even really take any effort.
Your brain had this one belief, you know, “Is my partner doing this?” And because of that, suddenly you start feeling insecure over here, and you start wondering about your trust, and you start, and all these things branch out. And it’s like when you pulled that out, when your brain goes, “No, it was just planning a surprise party. He loves me like mad.” Everything, you don’t have to go through it one by one and say, “Oh, well this time I could have …” It does it all for you, and that’s exactly how these beliefs … If you picked up a belief that, you know, you’re not worthy or you’re not good enough, as all of us did, way, way, way long ago in life, as soon as you recognize that like, “Ah! Why did I believe that about myself? Why was it that I believed that I couldn’t stand up in front of this group?” And you recognize those beliefs were just beliefs that if you decide to pull back, sort of, you know, filter of the belief away, that your life will change instantly. And the ability to do that is just by recognizing what beliefs that you’ve installed in yourself that you carry and really getting specific about where they are.
So I would say, at the end of the day, if you’re able to just identify those beliefs, recognize the areas where they don’t exist, where you are confident, where you do believe in yourself, or you are good enough, notice how you do those and you’re gonna recognize that those beliefs are much smaller than you think they are. And then recognize where they play in your life. And do all of the work that you can, all the inner work, to recognize that they … All those beliefs, if you just get at them, they’re going to change. They have the ability to change your whole life and make you feel … enough, successful, beautiful. All those things.
Angela Kafadar: Yeah, I think that’s … I love that analogy though, about the husband hiding the phone and that’s a great idea. Because it shows you how in two weeks, a belief can change, and then change again in just in an instant. So we have that ability and control to change our beliefs-
Tara Kanerva: That’s right.
Angela Kafadar: … from a positive as well. And the other thing that I really heard from you, and correct me if I’m wrong, is once you recognize some of these beliefs you’ve been carrying, taking small actions.
Tara Kanerva: Yes.
Angela Kafadar: Whether … For me, I actually, my actions were external. Like when I was talking about, you know, being on this low and reading this book and this book inspired me to have a thought, and that thought inspired me to write a script for someone. And I actually delivered them that script and like, “Hey. I was thinking about you. I just wrote a script for you for a video.-
Tara Kanerva: Awesome.
Angela Kafadar: I don’t know why I did this. I delivered it to them. And then the next thing I did is I actually reached back out to my community and I’m like, you know, ’cause I was talking about doing this illumination lounge and nobody took me up on my offer, and it made me think, “Oh, my gosh! Maybe people don’t care.” But what I did is I reached out back to that community and I’m like, “In case you didn’t know, I have this offer out for you guys, but it’s …” You know, and it is, because I do have paid members. I could only have it for a very short time, otherwise it would be, I’d feel like, you know, crossing a line. And I had how many? 25 people-
Tara Kanerva: That’s awesome.
Angela Kafadar: … within 24 hours,-
Tara Kanerva: Yeah.
Angela Kafadar: … pick me up on that offer. And then, the illumination lounge, I only talked to 20.
So I took these little action steps because I, you know, you have this small little fire that, you know, you feel dark and then-
Tara Kanerva: Yeah.
Angela Kafadar: … you have a small little fire, and if you can take steps forward that you can make that fire burn hotter and brighter-
Tara Kanerva: Absolutely.
Angela Kafadar: … and bigger and … right?
Tara Kanerva: Yeah. Absolutely. And it’s really just recognizing that it’s always smaller, it’s always like that pebble of sand that we tend to believe are much bigger. And so you then taking that small action and recognizing that you have the ability to do that? If we could … We all bring it down.
When I talk about sort of recognizing that you are good at some things. You do feel confident about some things. When you’re not feeling confident, step into those moments when you can remember what it feels like to be confident. And you could always find some area, some small thing you can do, where you can step into that state. And then, like you say, just go from there, run from there. And we can all do it when we allow ourselves to remember that there’s always a positive, there’s always something that will contradict the belief you’re believing right now.
Angela Kafadar: Yeah.
Tara Kanerva: The, “I’m scared of [inaudible 00:27:45].” Well, what aren’t you scared of? And do that, and allow that to drive you and to motivate you.
Angela Kafadar: That’s awesome. You know, before I let you go, ’cause I know you’ve got a meeting. You said that you do an LP, but for those who don’t know what an LP is, can you say what it stands for and then just like a one minute of what it is? And then if that speaks to anyone, if that resonates with anyone, please reach out to Tara after I’ll put a link to her Facebook page below.
Tara Kanerva: Cool. Yeah. An LP is neuro linguistic programing. And it’s just an approach. We do coaching. It’s an approach where we work with the unconscious mind. So all those beliefs that Angela was talking about and that I was mentioning, those all come from your unconscious mind.
And so we take a different approach to this than some other methods or approaches where there’s a lot of talking about stuff, where there’s a lot of conscious, what we call conscious awareness and attention, and action. And instead we get underneath it.
So the brain is 10% of your brain is conscious, 90% of your brain is unconscious. And at the end of the day, all of, you know, sort of your actions, your responses, your behaviors, they all come from that 90%, and it’s very, very difficult for us normally to access that unconscious part of the brain. And so that’s what we do in neuro linguistic programing is we just, we sit down. It’s content free. We don’t talk about all your stuff. We don’t talk about, you know, who’s to blame and how it hurt, and why, and all that stuff, ’cause it doesn’t matter. What matters is, “Here I am today. Here is where I wanna get to. And what is in the way?” And whatever’s in the way? We very quickly, very efficiently, have the tools to be able to sort of get into that unconscious part of the brain and say, “Okay. You know what? Let’s write a different program. Let’s run a program of success in the areas where you wanna feel successful.” And that’s basically what we do.
Angela Kafadar: Awesome. I’m gonna put a link to your Facebook page so, like I said, if anyone … if that speaks to anyone, reach out to Tara. Thank you so much for joining me today.
I’m gonna let you go, but we’re not ending the live quite yet. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you again.
Tara Kanerva: All right. Thank you so much.
Angela Kafadar: All right. Take care.
Tara Kanerva: Take care.
Angela Kafadar: So I hope you guys enjoyed that. Again, I know it wasn’t specifically about video production, but like I said, with video production I think the one thing that holds us back is believing in ourselves, that what we have, what we share with the world, is big enough for us to really put it out there and get some great exposure. And that’s what I face, I think, with people who come into our classes. And we do seminars. And we offer them free throughout the year. And we do seminars and 80% of the people in the room leave that seminar that they’ve come to learn all about video production, and never do video.
And the 80% … Sorry. Then the 20% who do do video, don’t do it consistently. They’ll do it once or twice and they fall off. And I wonder. I wonder if it’s because they’re not seeing the results. And not seeing the results is making them feel not confident. And making them feel not confident is making them feel not worthy. And if it’s this whole circle.
And so I want to break through that with you guys. If any of you guys … Reach out to me personally. Like, personal … PM me. If you are like, “You know what, Ange. You kind of nailed it. That’s really why I’m not doing video. It’s ’cause I’m afraid of being rejected. And worse than being objected, being ignored?” Then I wanna chat because I think that getting that exposure on video, getting to how many? How many people are on Facebook now, Scott? A billion? Is it a billion? Or two? It’s a lot of people. Let’s just say it’s a lot of people. That exposure cannot hurt you, unless you’re being mean, then it can come back and bite you.
So if you are having issues with putting yourself out there. If you have technical issues, those are the easy things. I mean, teaching you guys the technical steps are the easy things. But what I want is I want you guys to have the confidence to know that what you have to say matters. It certainly matters to me. And it’s gonna matter to other people and touch their lives.
So with that, I want to thank you for joining me, and thank you for letting me melt down earlier and letting me just, you know, share a story about that. And I’m so happy to have come out the other side. Like some people … And there are moments in my life where it’s taken weeks or months to come out the other side of kind of a downward spiral. And it just took me … It really took me two things. I read something inspiring and I listened to something inspiring. And if there’s anything I can do to inspire you, let me know. Or if there’s anything I’ve done, let me know. And if you don’t know who Allyson Byrd is, I’m going to connect you with her as well. Because she truly is amazing.
So take action. Do small steps. Don’t worry about what other people think. And do it in very, very small ways.
So thank you so much, again, for watching. That’s the end of my live. We’ll see you guys next week where I think Scott will be back with me.
All right. Take care, everyone.